I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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