She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Randomize
