turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
