I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
