how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
