i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
