I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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