whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Randomize
