the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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