I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
