idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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