he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
