My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
