Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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