Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
