oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
