5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
