I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
