I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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