don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
