What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
