the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
