i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
