sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
