Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
