I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
