you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
