just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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