the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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