we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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