Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
