I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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