Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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