belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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