put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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