I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
