Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
