You smell like a Billy Joel song
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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