also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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