On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
