Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
