I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
