how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
