its not stalking. its research.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
