His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
