i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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