ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
