I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
