I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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