If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
