Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
