Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
