I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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