The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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