tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
