Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
