I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he puts the penis in happiness.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
