Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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