Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
