I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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