My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
