the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
