we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize