We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
