Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
