I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
