she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
