He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
