hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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