my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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