I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
