You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
