That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
