Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
