last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
