considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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