he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
