the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
