Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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