my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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