I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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