used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
