It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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