there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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