Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
