He is such a slut. More and more my type.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
