We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
